My sweet Theardis and I are coming up on 2 years of marriage. We have enjoyed many ups and downs doing life together and learning what it truly means to be “Better Together.”
In the midst of life, it is often the regular disciplines and habits that help us stay the course to meet goals, accomplish successes, and get stuff done. What we are realizing more and more, is how habits can create health in a marriage. When two busy people consistently make time to communicate and connect, it can foster intimacy and build trust that are both insanely crucial to the relationship.
I have compiled a short list of marriage habits that we have found useful. This is no way a comprehensive list. However, these are things that have benefitted us, and countless other couples, some of whom I have had the privilege of helping. All of these things can be done (to some extent) with kids or without.
- Praying together. This may look different for all couples, and can also look different in different seasons of life. Maybe you pray together before work, or at the end of the day, before meals, or through text/email or phone calls. Sometimes, we will use one night a month to journal and pray together, in order to get us on the same page spiritually.
- Going to bed together. This may be a difficult one for those who are in seasons of working opposite schedules or with children, but can I say, it makes a world of difference to start and end your day on the same page, in the same bed, as your spouse. The act of being in bed together increases the possibility of communication and physical connection – both huge health indicators in marriage. (AKA more SEX).
- Eating dinner together. There is something that happens over a shared meal that brings people together. Food and love and family seem to go hand in hand in cultures around the world, but sometimes we get caught up in the day-to-day rush and lose the intimacy of a shared meal.
- Weekly date nights. This is one we have learned from several great examples through our church family and friends. When we intentionally take the time to date our spouse, it helps us continue getting to know them. This can mean trying new things, looking nice for each other, and investing in shared experiences. It basically communicates to each other that you still find the other attractive and worthy of your time. A weekly date night is a great place to use a tool we have come to love called the Navigator’s Council. It’s a handy book that helps us stay on the same page and check in regularly about the nature and status of our relationship through six simple questions.
- S-E-X. This goes hand in hand with going to bed at the same time. It’s a whole lot easier to have sex when you’re both in the same room… From my personal experience as well as research in marriage therapy, many of the above habits of connecting and communicating can feed into a more satisfied sex life. If you have a hard time talking about sex, check out Gottman Card Decks, which will not only provide topics to discuss like sex and intimacy, but can also give you some mild, medium, or spicy ideas on new things to try together. You will also find various prompts on how to connect with each other and create more “rituals for connection. “
What are some habits YOU do to stay connected in your marriage?
Other Marriage Resources: