My fear killed a mouse

For Easter, we had thousands of Easter eggs filled with candy for the kids to hunt at our block party. In the midst of the chaos, some eggs were left behind. Thus, everyone in the office had more than enough candy to go around. Of course I wanted to have some for easy access and didn’t want to look like a pig eating all this candy, so I put some in my drawer. 
We have had nice before, it happens with older buildings. But I thought for some reason that with all of the traps laying around they would somehow disappear. Boy was I wrong. 

There was a mouse eating the candy in my drawer. I heard it and it jumped out of the drawer into another drawer. When I opened that drawer, it jumped out and ran behind my desk. I was so scared. I cleaned out all of my drawers and found mouse poop in about half of them. I threw all of the candy away and waited. It was behind my desk and I was just waiting for it to come out. 

Finally it ran out from behind my desk and dashed behind my co workers desk. I was not about to have that, I wanted this thing gone. I was going to find it and get it away from me. Since I knew it was behind the desk, and I couldn’t see it, I pulled the desk out. Still unable to see anything, I pulled it out some more. Now this desk was not one of those light flimsy little desks. This was an old heavy desk that weighed at least one and a half time my own weight. But I moved it and inched it out. I go to look in all the cracks and see these eyes staring up at me. Not knowing if it was dead or alive, I pushed the corner of that desk further against the floorboard. Somehow, I still don’t even understand how, I had squished it against the wall and killed it. 

My fear moved me to take action and the impossible happened. 

This was not a big mouse. This was the kind of mouse that could fit in a dime sized hole and squeeze underneath doors and such. But somehow I had managed to squish it up against the wall with the right force and timing that it was unable to escape. It was flattened like a pancake. 

I learned something today. Fear is often not a good thing. But, if you let your fear move you to take action, sometimes impossible things, things you never knew you were capable of doing, can happen. 

So if you find within yourself a fear that you cannot contain, a fear that tries to contain you, channel it into energy. Let it fuel you to get something done, to accomplish good. 
Maybe you will find out just how small it was, smaller than a mouse. Maybe you, too can squash your fears like a pancake. 

Coffee is like sin?

coffee-eh

Coffee is like sin…

for me at least

I am a tea drinker. I love tea and have so many different kinds as well as methods to drink it, loose leaf, tagless tea bags, silk tea bags, French press, different steepers, etc. The list goes on and on and my collection is somewhat extensive, as I like trying new kinds. However, in the midst of my deep sea of tea, every once in a while I have a craving for coffee. I usually can put it off and continue in my tea drinking ways, but sometimes, I just have to give in to those wonderful memories of how warm and cozy coffee tastes and the smell and energy it gives. By now, I should know that my memory so often fails me and I deceive myself into thinking I actually like coffee, when in reality, it causes me nothing but trouble. Today, for example, I decided that I had enough of this longing to drink a cup and so I made some this morning. I doctored it up with milk and honey and cinnamon to make it taste better (obviously), and took my first sip. Disappointment. It was not as good as I remembered it being and left my mouth feeling weird. Now maybe I just don’t know how to make a good cup of coffee or maybe this is real, I’m not sure, but I know what happened later on was real. I went about my usual day with my roommate but soon started to feel uneasy and queasy and had to go to the bathroom a couple times! What was wrong with me?! I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so nervous and jittery all of the sudden and then it hit me…. Well it already had hit me, but this time mentally. THE COFFEE. In just a short conversation with a friend about the negative effects of coffee, I realized how it seems to always promise energy and goodness but never delivers, leaving me with dehydrated jittery energy and an upset stomach. I guess it does deliver, just not in the way I wish it did.

This seems to be a lot like sin. We build something up in our mind, forgetting the negative impacts from previous times and only remember the bright and glittery promises. However, when we actually cave and experience it, the memories of the regret and negative effects come back, and we realize why we weren’t doing it in the first place. So often we get caught up in the empty promises of this world that just leave us feeling uneasy and ill. We forget the good that we already have and try to go back to the empty promises of yesterday.

This time, I found someone to keep me accountable. I told my roommate, do NOT let me drink coffee. It is horrible for me and I hate the way I feel. Now I need to do the same about my sinful habits. Do not let me do _______; I will regret it and it will only leave me feeling empty and wanting.