Embrace Small Deaths

Death is not normally a topic that is commonplace in our society today. It is something everyone reaches eventually, but the majority of people try to avoid as long as possible, whether in their own life, or even in conversation. Today I’m not writing about death in the traditional sense, but more about the many small deaths we experience of ourselves, our ideas about the future, and expectations of other people.

Wee may die a series of small deaths each day or see these deaths happen over a longer period of time. Either way, we encounter death more often than we think, and for some, it is not welcome. Sometimes, not embracing small deaths can mean that we are holding ourselves back from something better.

I shared earlier in a post that the process of grief is not solely for the death of a person in our lives, but it can be for the end of experiences, friendships, and seasons. Similarly, dying to ourselves can take on that death-like process, which may be painful and cause grief but can produce beautiful results.

What exactly is ‘dying to yourself’?

When we die to ourselves, we are saying to God, “I surrender, you are in control. You will provide. You will make all things new. Because of you, I no longer have to live in bondage or chains.” Scripture uses baptism as a tangible picture of this death and new life. When we go into the water, it is a physical representation of dying and coming up reborn into a new life – a life proclaiming Christ. Dying to ourselves is both a one time decision (initially) and an ongoing learning process called sanctification.

God’s kingdom is not like this world. In the eyes of the world, his kingdom is upside down. We start to see that the way we get to some of his greatest plans for our life come through some of the most unconventional ways. For example, we see in scripture that when we lose our life (ie. death) for Christ, we find it (Matthew 10:39). The Bible is full of these kind of references where we lose or give up our life in exchange for something better and eternal. We die not only to ourselves (the flesh), but we die to sin, to an old way of life, and to our idea of control for our life.

When we choose to give up our ideas for our life and give it over to God, we slowly start to look different. We may gain a different vocabulary, a new life motto, and a new perspective. This process takes time and might not be the most comfortable.

Death is essential for growth.

Lately, I have had to die to my ideas of perfection and how it can somehow be achieved this side of heaven. The desire, I believe, was placed in my soul by Christ, but it can only be fulfilled through him, and only in its entirety once we get to heaven. This has looked different for me, as my eyes are opened to my own sinfulness, selfishness, and brokenness. I make mistakes, disappoint people, and God is still sovereign.

This small death of my idea of perfection is one of thousands. Some things I have learned the easy way through the experiences and wisdom of other people, and some I have learned the hard way through my own failure or inability. Each time, I am reminded that my dependence on myself is dying, and my dependence on God is growing.

Just as branches from a fruit tree are pruned off and die, the whole purpose is so the rest of the tree can bear fruit that is much more flavorful and delicious!

What small death is God calling you to die today?

Is it your ideas for your future? Your timeline for your future? Your expectations for your loved ones? Your desire for fame and wealth?

What are you going to die to today in order to find new life and grow?

John 12:24 ESV

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Romans 6:1-23 ESV

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.

Romans 12:1 ESV

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

Ephesians 4:20-24 ESV

But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

John 15:1-27 ESV

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. …

Embrace Space

For most of my life, I have tried to fill every single space with something. Whether that be work, friends, service, or homework- I had a full schedule and full life- and I LIKED it. Actually, I would say I have THRIVED in it.

I’ve told a few people that I work best with a fuller schedule- as in- I need to be going nonstop to operate at a higher level. When I have too much space or free time, I feel that I start to get lazy. I don’t get as much done and feel less accomplished. Maybe I’m addicted to busy, maybe I’m a high achiever, probably a little of both.

I’ve been trying to fill my time with reading, catching up with old friends, yoga, gardening, painting, walking, and the list can go on. I think sometimes without lots to do, I feel that my life lacks meaning.

However, while I feel that my life lacks a “bigger” or “busier” meaning, I find myself discovering more meaning in the mundane everyday things of life. I am more sensitive to small miracles and kind words. I am more intentional about how I interact with others. I say YES to more things. I serve people better and more wholeheartedly. I pray more. I listen more.

You may have heard about the minimalist movement where people are not only decluttering, but intentionally living with less. They rid themselves of physical possessions that merely take up space in order to have a more peaceful, less stressful and more meaningful life.

Just like a home, our minds and lives sometimes need that extra space. We leave some walls blank, while others are beautifully filled with pictures and artwork. The thing is, not every single inch is filled with something. There is blank space that helps to emphasize what else is on the walls, or the other furniture in the room. Could it be that our lives need some blank space in order to emphasize what else we have happening? Would we grow a greater appreciation for our lives and the people in them if we had some space to think about them?

This may only be a season of space for me right now, but I am choosing to enjoy and embrace it. If or when things fill back up, I will keep that thought in the back of my mind to create some blank space every now and then to reflect, remember, and listen. I might just see the greater meaning I was looking for but forgot. Or have that encouraging conversation that I couldn’t seem to make time for before.

When do you feel at your best?

When was the last time you took some time to breathe and do nothing?

Do you need to create some space in your life, even if only for a time?

Embrace Grieving

As you may have heard from my last post, I recently graduated! It is an exciting transition for me with much anticipation towards what is in store for this next season of life. However, what many of us forget as we all make great transitions in life, is that we still experience endings. In order to begin, often something else must end.

These endings can mean we experience some sort of loss and can bring unexpected grief and emotions for which we may not be prepared. Towards the end of my last semester, I started to experience just that. Had I not experienced it before, and had a wise counselor (yes, counselors go to counseling too) speak into my life about grief, I may not have been prepared for the conflicted emotions and thoughts that emerged.

Someone does not have to die for us to experience losses in our life. Loss also does not always mean something negative happened.

Just as we all lose our baby teeth, losses in life allow for new opportunities and growth.

Over the past weeks and months, I have been in a sort of grieving process of this season of life coming to an end. It was a long and cumbersome season where I worked long days and studied and went to school in the evenings. I had a big breakup during this season and also fell in love and got married in this season. God was so faithful throughout the process, even though it was not always enjoyable. Somehow, even though I looked forward to and longed for this day to come, there is a part of me that grieved. I made friends during this season, and I also did not spend as much time with friends as I would have liked.

Grief can be a motivator. When we grieve, we recognize our feelings and the good and the bad, but we don’t have to stay there.

There comes a point in time where we have to recognize and accept that things have changed, or are changing.

“We add to our suffering when life changes and we behave as if it hasn’t.” Mark Nepo

We can do something in the future, as a result of what grief has taught or is teaching us. My grieving has shown me that my word for the year – EMBRACE- was the perfect word. I will always be in some kind of season working towards some kind of goal. That does not need to stop me from embracing moments with the people I love and creating memories. I can pay attention- LISTEN- to what is happening around me and in me, and move forward in peace.

Are you in a transition season of life?

Is there something that you have not yet grieved?

Is there something changing in your life that you’re trying to act like it is not happening?

Embrace Calling

Since I was a teenager, probably around 7th grade, I have wanted to be a counselor. It switched a couple times over the years, but I always came back. Now, 12 years later at age 25, that dream, that calling that I felt on my life WAY BACK then, is becoming a reality. On May 5th, I graduated from Grace University with my Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I remember in high school, a visitor at church spoke the prophetic word of counselor over me, and I cherished that moment, thinking how could he know- it must be God.

At a staff meeting a little while ago, two people got a similar word and said that it was a word for more than just one person.

They said that the things you have been persevering for, will finally come to fruition.

At first, I didn’t think it really applied to me, until I got that little nudge that said, “that’s YOU.” It is me. This long awaited goal, 12 years in the making, is about to be realized.

Now that I think about it, I have no idea what I would do now, if I set a 12 year goal. Somehow, because I took it in small chunks, it seemed like a breeze. Plus, life happens while we are setting and achieving goals.

Life happens in the midst of realizing our dreams.

God gave me this dream. In some ways I had absolutely no idea how much work or how long it would take to get to this point. It definitely did NOT look the way I had envisioned it looking. I didn’t know I would stay in Omaha this long, or even find a church family and job to help me through grad school. I had no idea that I would get married towards the end (I thought it would be way sooner… and then thought maybe way later).

Nonetheless, I persisted, and God carried me through. Through heartache, numerous jobs, friends, living arrangements, and travels. Through doubt, wanting to have some kind of quick fix, or to stop accumulating school bills. I’m naturally an achiever, but this was a long term achievement, one that will even now extends long past graduation. I wanted to achieve things NOW– in the workplace or finances or family – yet everyone else around me had already begun living their focus. Mine was still a little farther off.

I’ve heard it said that “comparison is the thief of joy.” (Theadore Roosevelt), and at times, I let those comparisons steal my joy. When I was up late doing homework, seeing other friends or acquaintances going out. I was working hard and paying school bills on top of regular life expenses, when others were working towards buying houses or new cars.

Your season may not be the same as another’s, and your calling is absolutely unique to you and who God has created you to be.

Do you have a long term dream or goal?

Has something been placed within you long ago that is slowly coming to fruition?

What are the baby steps you need to take to get there? How can you EMBRACE CALLING in your life today?

How to Win at the Next Conference You Attend!

I LOVE conferences. For real. I get some sort of weird rush that makes me super hyped and ultra talkative, ready to meet people and network. Basically I’m like a kid in a candy store, except it is learning, and maybe some free candy at the booths…

Top 5 things to do at the next conference you attend:

If you are looking to save money, volunteer. Most conferences will allow a certain number of volunteers to help and attend the conference for free. Depending which conference you’re at, that could mean free snacks and lunches as well!
Go to everything you signed up for. This should be a no-brainer, but I’ve noticed many people skip out on sessions because they get tired or think it may be uninteresting-go anyway. At the very least, maybe you can get in a little nap if it really is that boring.
Schedule in some down time to reflect. Conferences can be a “fire hose drinking fountain” full of useful information and new ideas, but it will never be of any use to you unless you take the time to review, think through it, and plan how you will implement it. This can be so hard when there is a sea of people rushing out the doors for the bathroom or coffee stands, so I suggest scoping out a few spots beforehand so you know where to go for some peace and quiet.
Get free stuff! Sign up at all the booths and have conversations with all of the ones you might even potentially be interested in. This is great practice for networking and will be a skill you can develop through events like these. Conferences are breeding grounds for giveaways, free trinkets and resources that may or may not be of great use–get it anyway (these free things also make great last minute gifts for family members who expect something upon your return).

a). If you enter with a paper slip, a helpful tip I’ve gleaned from a wise soul is to crumple, fold, or tear the paper in an interesting way, so that when the person drawing goes in to reach for one, they will pick the odd one. (maybe people know about this trick and do the opposite, but it’s still worth a shot!)

Set small goals or intentions for the day! I would hope you don’t choose to attend a conference on something that doesn’t interest you, but if so, find the interesting, the good or the potentially good. This is a good practice not only for conferences but also for every day life (I’ll let you know when I actually do it daily, but it absolutely works at the conference). Set small goals for each day like: today I am going to meet and talk with at least 3 new people, OR today, I am going to take amazing notes and reflect during the coffee break in my secret spot (that I scoped out earlier).

Ultimately, enjoy your time, and don’t stress about writing it all down or remembering everything. Often, the really important quotes you can find on twitter anyways

EllaSmilesBlog

Tag: learning